Day 182: Restoration and Discussion

Previous Entry Coqoj 13th, 4288: 182 Days in the Mortal Realm

Words can’t describe how wonderful it feels to be in my body again! Bought back with pain, I once more enjoy the feeling of wiggling my toes in the grass, being able to eat as a person with my hands and not having to struggle getting my words out. This is something I’ll cherish. Never will I forget my time as a lizard.

It is suffice to say that the Elf made it in time to cure me. Today being the last day of Carnival, Gemmel waited as long as he could. A guard had approached him to hurry him along seeing that he was delaying. However right behind the guard was a scurrying of folk. An Elf, who was the Elf we saw a few days prior, pushed past the guard with a few other Elves following. They were carrying various herbs and plants and a snake!

The Elf called out Gemmel’s name. He stopped what he was doing and began to chat with him. There were many gestures made and pointing at items. Gemmel then turned to me.

“Okay. So this is what they want to do. The snake,” Gemmel pointed to the black serpent in one of the Elf’s hands, “they’re gonna make it bite you. Then right when you’re about to die, they’ll put this salve they’re making, with the plants, into the bite wound to which you will shed the lizard skin and grow out in your normal body,” Gemmel explained. He then took a deep breath, seeming sadden by what he said next, “It will be excruciatingly painful and there is a possibility that you’ll end up dying despite their efforts.”

I distinctly remember the hope and joy I had at a cure being found vanishing from my being. If I refused, I would be a lizard probably the rest of my life. If I accepted, I could very well die in the process.

In that moment I wondered, why did I feel so scared of death? I’ve wanted it for some time. If the cure ended up killing me, it wasn’t as though I was committing suicide. Either way I would win. I would be dead and free from all the pains this life offered or I would have my body again and continue to seek my revenge on Heinul.

With a deep breath, I looked into Gemmel’s eyes.

“I. Sup.pose. If. This. Is. Good.bye... I. Want. To. Thank. You. For. All. You’ve. Done. For. Me,” I told Gemmel with as much warmth as I could. It was hard not to love him, but I suppressed that emotion the best I could. I knew my time with him would be temporary. Yet the gratitude I felt was overwhelming. It had been a long time since experiencing such unconditional kindness. It was everything I could only hope to aspire to be one day.

Gemmel nodded to the Elf. The Elves huddled around me. Two held onto the snake, two others holding a robe for me (I’m sure Gemmel made sure of that), and the one elf Gemmel had communicated with, held onto a bowl filled with a paste that I assumed to be the salve. I could feel my heart race. I was scared. I was putting my trust into people I didn’t know, that I assumed had my best interest. What would they do once they saw my true form? my mind questioned.

The bite from the snake was quick, but the pain that followed seemed endless. I felt my head lull as my legs grew weak. The pain really was excruciating. Hell may have tortured me, but it’s funny how time between pains numbs what clearly was worse than what was currently being experienced.

I felt my head begin to numb, my eyes rolling back, and my breath becoming so shallow I wasn’t sure I was breathing at all. Something soothing then touched the bite wound and in that moment I found my strength. The skin split around my body as I forced myself to stand, spreading my wing wide. It was like waking from a deep sleep; stretching my limbs and wings from their confinement after so long.

The Elves were respectful and each had adverted their eyes. I felt slightly embarrassed for having taken the moment to stretch, but I must say, I couldn’t help it. Quickly I started to put the robe on when my wings came into play. Gemmel came to my aid, cutting away a section of the back. It didn’t fit wonderfully, but at least I was presentable.

I could see the elves eyeing me. They made some remarks to Gemmel, chuckling. Gemmel turned to me and said, “They’re mighty impressed by you.” I gave a soft smile. I assume the whole wings bit was what they were impressed by. I’m definitely not what most folk would expect.

With the language barrier, I expressed my gratitude the best I could. It actually felt really good to hear my voice. It was clean, easy, and  fluid. Not scratchy and rough like it was moments before.

“Now, you are free to go where you want or you can travel back with me,” Gemmel told me. I knew I had to make a choice quick because the guards were lingering close by. It was apparent they wanted to get Gemmel out. I told him I’d stay with him until we got back to Golden Spike. Gemmel then encouraged I hide in the wagon so the other guards didn’t think he was kidnapping someone.

I entered the wagon, thinking it was a bit silly since I would think I could just tell them I’m going with him. A couple minutes went by before I felt the wagon jolt forward. It felt like 30 minutes passed before Gemmel knocked on the door.

“It’s safe now,” Gemmel said to me. He then opened the door and I carefully climbed out. I blinked in the sunlight. The transition from dark to light was noticeably different now that I had my normal body back than that of the lizard’s. The color of the forest was richer than I remembered them being in the month I’ve resided in them.

I climbed up onto the wagon bench, Gemmel climbing up right next to me. He picked the reigns up and gave a cluck to his horse.

“So any idea where you’ll go after Golden Spike?” Gemmel asked as we rode along. I let out a long sigh. In the solitude I had, nothing came to mind. I had no money. Nothing but my hands to work with. That feeling of responsibility with the prophecy still weighed on my shoulders. But what could I possibly do when I didn’t have my gear to protect myself with?

My mind drifted as my anger bubbled under the surface. All I could think about was how I will kill the man who took my gear and turned me into a lizard. Yet at the same time, the anger I felt left me sick. I knew revenge wasn’t what I should focus on, but I felt helpless to it. Something I had to do, but I know I need to let it go. All of it I need to let go of and move on. It was just one more thing that They could use against me. A vice to control me.

Gemmel had said along our travels; patience is what he believed has attributed to his long life. I’ve brushed with death one too many times. So I reminded myself once more that I needed to let go of these attachments. I needed to forgive like I once did when I followed Heironious. Perhaps by exercising patients I’ll continue to live a long time.

A vile taste formed in my mouth as the conflicting thoughts ran through my head. Alas, I was still left with indecision. What was I to do? Where was I to go?

“To be honest, I don’t know Gemmel,” I finally answered, “All I know is I hope- to fulfill what I’ve been told to do, but-”

“Doing what you’re told to do is always noble,” Gemmel pitched in, “As long as those who told you what to do are right.”

I let out a sigh of exasperation. Gemmel was trying to be encouraging, yet what he tagged on at the end just annoyed me. Why must everything be so gray? My previous life everything seemed so black and white. Now I can’t make up my mind because its all so muddled! What’s good? What’s bad?

“I hope they’re right,” I snapped. I then humbled myself for I didn’t want to be rude with Gemmel, “I’m sorry. I suppose even if they aren’t right... those I’m after have caused me enough pain that they ought to be stopped. That deity...” I trailed off. Thinking about Heironious and how He betrayed me- betrayed all those who followed Him so dearly! It still stung. How I wanted to make Him suffer as I had!

“Ya know, I’ve never been much of a worshipper myself, but I find it kind of pointless to go blaming the Gods for our misfortune,” Gemmel said. I knew he meant well, but after hearing him say that, I felt so disconnected. Of course he would think it pointless. He doesn’t know how they’ve hurt me! How He took my family from me!

“Quite often we’re mean enough to each other,” Gemmel continued to say.

“Gemmel,” I interrupted, “Do you even know what’s going on with the Gods right now?” Gemmel gave a soft smile. I’m glad he couldn’t read my mind for I felt ugly for feeling irritated with him at the time.

“As you’ve seen, I don’t get out much from my shop,” he warmly said. The expression he held stopped me for a moment. I reflected on my time with him. I may not have been with him long, but from what I’ve gathered, the most he traveled was to Plumage once a year for Carnival. Then the rest of his time was spent at his shop in Golden Spike. During the week at his shop, he rarely went outside. He truly stayed put. No wonder he didn’t know.

I couldn’t help it. A smile stole across my face. That was when my heart softened. I couldn’t be critical of Gemmel’s indifference to what was currently happening nor what had happened in my past.

With that, I forced myself to open up, to truly listen to what he said. If I really wanted to let go of the past, of all the anger I had pent up inside, then I best be willing to hear Gemmel out as I explained my plight.

“I’m sure there has been plenty that has happened since I’ve stopped keeping tabs on the world,” Gemmel went on, “I suppose that’s been best for me.”

“I wish I could not worry so easily as you Gemmel. I’m finding it very hard to just let go of what’s happening,” I answered more solemnly.

We rode in silence for a little bit.

“I miss Raæin,” I finally said.

“As you ought to.”

I then went on reminiscing, “See I left my party nearly 2 months ago hoping I’d find myself while away from death and war. To put others before myself and to actually do something that I knew without a doubt was good. Raæin was the only one who could heal,” I paused for a moment. “I sure hope he’s alright. I can only wonder what he must be doing after this whole lizard fiasco,” I said.

“Oh I’m sure he’s alright. He’s one fine specimen,” Gemmel assured me.

“That he was,” ‘is’ was what I meant to say, but I was trying to put Raæin in my past. I needed to forget him.

“Not quite what his father was, but still quite amazing” Gemmel rambled on.

“You knew his father?” Gemmel’s eyes saddened. I ventured to ask, “What happened to him?”

Gemmel let out a weary sigh.

“He died,” he confessed.

“Old age?” Silence. Seeing how I was to defeat Erythnul and Raæin was my companion, something inside me wondered if perhaps Raæin’s father was caught up in the Gods thing.

“Erythnul?” I asked.

“What?”

“Er-yth-nul,” I enunciated better.

“Who?” I looked at Gemmel slightly amazed. How fortunate he didn’t know that evil deity.

“Lucky you,” I said off handedly.

“Perhaps,” Gemmel commented, “But there was a war Raæin’s father was caught up in. One of them prophecies he was trying to fulfill. I can’t remember any details of it now-””

“I think I know which one you’re talking about. I know every word of it if you need me to recite it,” I jumped in.

“No, this was before Raæin was born,” Gemmel said.

“Raæin’s dad had a prophecy?”

“No, no. To be honest, prophecies are a dime a dozen. I think it’s silly how much stalk people put into these prophecies. It’s as though they didn’t have a choice. That’s when the Gods get involved. They start spouting out prophecies to get followers. Leading them on like they’re the only one who could do anything about it,” Gemmel rambled on. My mouth hung open at the horror I heard. A dime a dozen? Gods using them to gain followers!? Was I just a product of God fearing fools!?

Was Gemmel even right?

Gemmel caught sight of my head wheeling under what he said. He then tagged on, “Sometimes it’s true of course.” That didn’t help much. How was one to determine which was true and which wasn’t? “Now Raæin’s father was in the midst of trying to fulfill one of these prophecies. Thought he was doing right by fulfilling it... Well it was a pity the way it went down. I had to put him down in the end,” Gemmel said. His eyes were forlorn and they looked familiar. The numbing hurt that still lingered in me when I reflected on that night.

“I hear you... that couldn’t have been easy.” I tried to say comfortingly.

“Well, you do what you got to do,” Gemmel said, seeming to brush off the darkness that was coming over us as he shared bits of his past.

“You make it sound so easy. I killed my sister 2 months- no... 3 months ago now and it still haunts me,” I disclosed.

“Oh, your sister’s been dead for some time now,” Gemmel mentioned. My head jerked toward him. I looked at him with utmost curiosity, “What you killed was probably something else.”

“How so?” I asked. I was most certain I freed my sister from something evil. That it wasn’t she who was evil, but some entity that took her body for itself. I needed Gemmel to explain more.

“Think about that lizard body you were in. Where you the lizard or were you trapped inside the lizard? Did you die back there or was it the lizard you were trapped in that died?” Gemmel thoughtfully elaborated. It made sense, or so it seemed. Something had to have taken over Meryth’s body.

“So she was possessed,” I said to myself.

“Oh I don’t know about that,” Gemmel interjected.

“Well, what was it that- what could do that kind of thing?”

“Oh, there are a number of beings capable of doing things that are unkind,” Gemmel said. It was an odd answer, but I figured I’d drop it. The important thing was it wasn’t Meryth I killed. I don’t know what I killed, but it wasn’t Meryth. It felt more like I saved her and that gave me comfort.

While thinking about Meryth and unkind beings, I thought of Heinul and felt it would be important to explain that much of what the Gods were doing to Gemmel. Explain what continued to weigh on my mind as something I needed to deal with.

“Last time I saw Heironious, it was obvious He and Erythnul had become one,” I paused, seeing if I could read Gemmel’s expression, “From what I’ve been told, it was them as well as... Malfeiya, who were trying to become one. It would seem their plans were foiled since I killed Malfeiya, but Heironious and Erythnul still are one. Am I not to be concerned if their ultimate plan is to unite the Heavens and Hells into one being?” I asked. Gemmel furrowed his brow in thought.

“Why, what you’re saying is like asking if we should be worried about an earthquake.” He paused for a moment to let me think. I was about to respond saying that I suppose we need not to when he said, “Of course we should! But- does it mean it’s gonna happen today? Tomorrow? A year down the road?We know eventually it’ll happen,” Gemmel elaborated.

“But when it does, what does that mean for us?”

“Oh end of the world for what we know of it at least.” I gawked a bit at how plainly he said it. He continued on before I could question him, “It would be bad for us, but who’s to know what will become of it. Look at this land for example. Gnomes and Elves weren’t created here. They came here. There were other creatures, other beings here before them and are now gone. Is that necessarily evil? Kind of a rough deal for whoever was here before.

“If you look around, Elves aren’t so bad. Nor are the Gnomes. They’re capable of doing great good, just like those who were here before them. They’re just different creatures. So if the Gods really do combine and all that, it’ll just mean a different something for us. There’ll still be good. There’ll still be evil,” Gemmel expatiated, “We’re just on the bad end of that stick.”

“Very true,” I said glumly. It was a bit depressing to think that perhaps once my people over took land from others that lived there before. It was depressing to feel helpless to the change that could very well end mine and others existence.

“Ya know, I’ve been around long enough to have seen a lot of these ‘there’s gonna be an earthquake’ moments,” Gemmel interrupted my thoughts, “I have yet to meet one of these metaphorical earthquakes. I’m sure I will eventually, just not today and probably not tomorrow.”

We sat in silence for a time. It was a lot to take in, though it was sound advice. It was something I could easily understand. Gemmel wasn’t trying to belittle the seriousness of what was happening. He, unlike me, had come to accept things running their natural course.

Once more some silence fell between us. As I pondered all Gemmel had said, I eventually knew what I wanted to do after returning to Golden Spike. I wanted to find Raæin and let him know I’m alright. After that, I hadn’t a clue what I’d do.

“I’m going to find Raæin and tell him goodbye,” I mentioned to Gemmel. I wasn’t expecting him to care what I did. However, it would be a feat for me to accomplish reuniting on my own with Raæin. No money to pay for the fare for a ship. No money to buy some bird tokens.

“I’m sure he’ll understand whatever it is you decide to do,” Gemmel replied. I snorted.

“Still trying to figure that out. I feel there’s a vendetta I need to resolve...” I trailed off. Even if I solved my affairs with the Gods, what would I do then? Continue to pursue all the evils that arose? I let out a quiet sigh, “It just seems unending...”

“What seems unending?” Gemmel pressed.

“The cycle. Good wins, evil rises, repeat.”

Gemmel reigned in his horse. Once it was stopped he turned and looked me in the eyes.

“Araja, now you look over there at that grove of trees,” Gemmel instructed firmly. He pointed off to a patch of trees, “There once was a big, tall tree over there that no longer is there whether it be due to weather, lightning, age, rot, or someone coming through looking for a big tree to build a boat out of. Either way that tree isn’t there anymore. It died.

“Now there’s new life springing up. As you’ve said, it’s as though the cycle is starting all over. One thing trying to kill another thing so that thing can be the bigger thing,” Gemmel then eyed me hard, “Does that make any of them really evil? Or on the contrary does that make any of them really good? One’s always trying to overcome the other.

“Now I’m not saying the Devils are good or Gods are evil. I’m saying that there’ll always be struggle, this cycle, of one thing trying to overcome or overpower another. Araja, that’s just life,” Gemmel said with earnest, “And if you’re trying to escape that, then I’m sorry. You won’t find that in this life or the next for that matter.”

Gemmel got his horse going once more as his profound words pierced my mind.

It was hard to ignore my past. I knew why I clung to the notion of destroying Erythnul. Every waking moment, for as long as I could remember in my first life, was drilled into me that I was Fall. That I was to take Erythnul down. How important it was that I fulfilled my duty in the prophecy.

Yet if I was to accept struggle and not care, I needed to stop focusing on it.

“Maybe I ought to find a hobby,” I announced suddenly. That would be something to take my mind off the present. Something that could generate an income for myself seeing I wasn’t about to be doted upon with riches.

“Oh I suppose that’d be good. I like basket weaving,” Gemmel suggested. Warmth had returned to his voice from the sternness he had used moments ago. I laughed. I suppose it was something.

“Yeah? Maybe you could teach me,” I said.

“I’m afraid not,” Gemmel responded. I had chuckled a little but he seemed serious, “Basket weaving requires two hands,” Gemmel added. My smile faded as I looked at him quizzically. I looked to the reigns and noticed he had been driving the horse with one hand. His right arm rested on his lap. Where his hand should have been was nothing but a stump.

“What happened there?” I asked. I was surprised I hadn’t noticed it before. How was he able to create his potions and wondrous items? Clearly he was more talented than I thought.

“Hmm what?” Gemmel replied. My smile came back as it seemed like Gemmel was being playful by avoiding answering my question.

“You’re hand. What happened to it?”

“Oh, you know how them Elf wizards are,” I didn’t, “they’re more than happy to help a friend for a price.”

“Seriously? They asked for a hand? I suppose it’s better than an arm and a leg,” I said jokingly. Gemmel gave a soft smile.

“They know what I am,” he said. That comment struck me. As I looked at Gemmel, it was very obvious he wasn’t a folk I was familiar with. He was humanoid, looking human yet not... His eye were too round. I don’t know why it didn’t strike me sooner. That must have been why everyone always felt guarded around him.

“They thought that having a bit of me would be interesting. They thought they could gain an advantage over me. So I gave them a part that wouldn’t be of any use,” Gemmel explained. I figured this was why he was allowed to go into the Elven kingdom each year. They had a part of him. Kind of a weird price to pay, but I suppose if Gemmel was willing to pay the price, then whatever. But how has he been able to craft so well with just one hand?

“By chance do you have ‘alter self’ spells?” I asked.

“Nope.”

“Then how have you been crafting so well?” Gemmel looked at me somewhat sheepishly.

“Well, I had two hands up until this afternoon.,” Gemmel said. I looked at him somewhat dumbfounded, “The price to restore you was my right hand.”

The lightness that I was feeling left. My mouth hung open. I felt mortified that Gemmel had to pay such a price. The Elves took his right hand to restore me? Gemmel was willing to part with his hand for my sake? Why did I always cause such misfortune to those around me? I screamed in my head.

“I-I’m so sorry Gemmel,” I began to say.

“Oh don’t worry. It’ll grow back,” Gemmel said nonchalantly, “It always does.” That gave some comfort. At least it wasn’t a lasting handicap.

“How long will that take?”

“Oh, a couple hours, a few days, maybe a year. I can’t always predict how quickly I’ll regenerate, but the hand will come back.”

“Are you a type of troll?” I asked. He didn’t really look it, but that was the only folk I could think of that had the ability to regenerate limbs.

“Oh no,” Gemmel chuckled, “I am what I look like. I’m not wearing any disguise.” I eyed Gemmel. I still couldn’t place a name of folk for him.

“I’ve never seen something like you. Or if I have, I can’t remember,” I said.

“Oh I know you haven’t ever met someone like me,” Gemmel responded. A weird chill went through me as he said that. It was so unexpected that it through me off. Had I been reading Gemmel wrong and now that I was prodding about what he was, I was being threatened? No. This must be what the other folk felt around him. That chill that left you feeling apprehensive when there wasn’t anything evident to base the feeling off of.

With that, the rest of our travel that day was spent with small talk and silence. I had much to digest. I have another 6 days until we we're back in Golden Spike. From there I know I will have to figure out my own way. Here's hoping the next 6 nights will bring some kind of epiphany as to what I should do.

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