Day 172: Wasn't I Suppose to Not Care?

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Coqoj 3rd,4288: 172 Days in the Mortal Realm

The ride had been rather uneventful until today. From the sound of things, we were roughly 3 days away from Plumage. As the days droned on, I couldn’t help but reflect on how old Gemmel was. If he was older than me, then surely he had heard of Araja... It would be interesting to get his opinion of her.

“Gemmel. Have. You. Heard. Of. Araja?” I asked. Gemmel pondered for a moment.

“Who’s he?”

“She’s-,” I began.

“Oh, she’s a girl,” Gemmel corrected himself.

“Some.one. Of. The. Past,” I finished.

“Well, Serrin, I know a lot of people from the past. Can you narrow it down for me?”

“Gen.eral. Hu.man.”

“Like I’ve said, I haven’t had much dealing with the Kingdoms of Man in a long time,” Gemmel began.

“She. Was. A. Gen.eral,” I began. Seeing Gemmel eye me out of the corner of his eye made me feeling squeamish, so I added, “So. I’ve. Heard.”

“Oh they’re giving women swords now?” Gemmel said, sounding somewhat surprised. I looked at him quizzically. Where had he been for the past couple centuries? “It always made sense to me for women to fight by the sword since one can die by it. Well good for her. Did she win?”

My stomach dropped.

“No,” I said, feeling forlorn to admit my failure.

“That’s too bad.”

“She. Was.n’t. Killed,” I explained thinking Gemmel must have thought Araja’s loss being her death

“Oh, they took her and tortured her,” Gemmel added. I looked up at him. Why did he assume that? Someone losing a battle didn’t mean they were dead or tortured necessarily... but I wasn’t going to call him out on that. I wasn’t suppose to be Araja to him. I was just trying to find out what he knew of her.

“Per.haps.”

“I’ve never cared much for torture myself. I figured if you’re going to be mean to someone you might as well just kill them. Get done with it. Not that I would kill someone just because. I’m not like that. I’m just out here to do my business. Live and let live,” Gemmel explained, clearly emphasising his character wasn’t a murderous type.

We traveled further on. Another thought came to mind as I considered his old age. Surely he must know of others. Others from his distant past. I’m one those unusually old folk, he’s been around for centuries like me, there must be others like us and perhaps he knew of them.

“Gemmel. Do. You. Know. Of. Other’s. From. Your. Past?”

“The Gnomes I talked to yesterday,” Gemmel responded quickly. My head realed a moment as I thought about the Gnomes being unusually old. For a moment I wondered if they were cursed like the folk of France? Before I could respond, I saw a twinkle in Gemmel’s eye and knew he was being facetious. “I’m sorry. I’m just teasing you. Now what part of my past are you referring to?”

“14. Hund.red. Years. A.go.”

“I haven’t counted years or days for a long time. They all kind of run together.”

“You. Sound. Like. A. Deity.”

“I’ve never assumed to be such a thing. Never been a worshipper myself.”

“I. Was. Once.”

“That’s fine you know. I just never thought fit for it.”

It became quiet once more between us, my question being forgotten. Many hours passed, late evening began to set in. Gemmel then began to cluck to his horse. He seemed intent on something. I looked around, seeing nothing.

“It’s unusually quiet,” Gemmel whispered. He was right, the natural sounds of the forest weren’t happening. Chills ran through me as I recalled the moments before waking up in the cave. It was silent like this.

“It. Was. Qui.et. Like. This. Be.fore. I. Was. Poi.soned,” I told Gemmel.

“No,” Gemmel responded, “This is different...” he flicked the reins and commanded his horse to go. We galloped a short distance when folk on horses appeared in front of us.

“Stop!” we were commanded. Gemmel reined his horse to a stop. It was clear this was a robbery of some type with the folk having their face partly covered. They were a mix of Gnomes and Elves.

Gemmel leaned a little toward me and said, “Don’t you worry, I’ll take care of this.” He then hopped off the wagon and went to stand in front of his horse.

“What do you all want?” Gemmel asked.

“You’re headed to the ‘big to do’ in the Elven Kingdom aren’t you?” an Elf asked.

“I am.”

“Give us your wears,” the Elf demanded. There was roughly 10 of those folk blocking our path, polearms and bows in hand. I was curious what Gemmel would do.

“Nope,” Gemmel said without hesitation. The gang of robbers all seemed surprised to have been told ‘No’.

“Fine, we’ll make you,” the Elf spat like some adolescent child. Gemmel snorted.

“Now, think about it like this boys,” Gemmel stated, “I am banned from that country. Granted they let me come in for Carnival as long as I have my papers,” he said pointing to a paper on the wagon I hadn’t noticed before. It states his special permission to enter the country, DO NOT KILL clearly visible, “but they know better to keep a close eye on me.” A chill ran through me.

“Why are you banned?” another Elf called out.

“That’s between me and the country. Now, do you really think it wise to bother me and more?”

The bandits clearly seemed nervous now about Gemmel. They began to back away slowly.

“That’s right. Let us on through and get whoever’s behind me.” Gemmel then hopped back up next to me and snapped the reins to get his horse going. The bandits moved out of the way quickly, all looking confused about what just happened. I couldn’t help but feel sorry for the unfortunate folk coming behind us... was Gemmel bluffing about his strength and power to them? If he wasn’t, why not have dealt with the bandits to prevent them from continuing their evil schemes?

“Sorry about that,” Gemmel said to me after a few minutes. I figured it wasn’t that easy of a choice for him either and with that I felt somewhat better. Can’t save everyone...

“May. The. Next. Group. Fare. Them. Well,” I responded. I then noticed Gemmel had tied the reins around the side bored.

“I’ll be right back,” he said before carefully maneuvering into his wagon. I could hear him rummaging for something. He must have found what he was looking for, for I then heard him say something. Then there was a flash of light. A moment later another flash of light appeared and a popping sound. After that Gemmel returned to the wagon seat, taking the reins back.

“Sorry about that.”

“Pro.blem. Solved?”

“Hmm? What?” Gemmel said nonchalant like giving me a quick glance out of the corner of his eye.

“Right...” I responded snickering at him. Actually I had to wonder if any facial cues could be seen from me in this lizard shape. It was hard enough talking, was I smiling when I thought I was? Hard to say without a mirror.

Another time of quiet passed when Gemmel asked me a question.

“So, what were you doing before you got turned into a lizard?”

Thoughts of Raæin filled my mind. I missed him... I hated that.

“Heal.ling. Folk.”

“Were they sick?”

“So. Sick. They. Were. Blind. And. Dy.ing.”

“Hmm, sounds like they were sick with Blindness.”

“Bet.ter. Than. It. Be.ing. The. Boq.or,” I responded. Blindness still wasn’t good, but it wasn’t as deadly a the Boqor. “My.... Friend. Was. Do.ing. A. Lot. Of. The. Heal.ling. The. Day. I. Got. Poi.soned... I. Was. Sent. To. Find. A. Crea.ture-”

“That’s right, I remember you telling me about that. My memory can be kind of fuzzy. Comes with age you know,” Gemmel said, “Goodness, to be young again. Full of energy once more. I think they call it spry. Go out and be adventurous again. But time slows you down. Makes you old, makes you tired,” Gemmel rambled on. As I listened to him list the things age could do to a person, I felt age has left me weak. How was it I lost most of my powers from so long ago? So I added, “Makes. You. Weak.”

Gemmel glanced down at me. “I suppose, but it makes you strong in other ways. Strong in patience. At least it makes the wise man patient. I find that it’s impatiences that gets you killed. Take myself, I’m about as patient as they come. That’s why I’ve lived so long.”

“That’s. What. I’m. Try.ing. To. Learn... Pa.tience,” I droned, “I. Think. I. Learned. Some. ‘Spe.cial.ly. In. The. Past. Few. Months.” I rested my head on my arms.

“You know, I think it’s time we pull over and rest for the night. Horse needs to rest,” Gemmel announced. He pulled the horse over to the side of the road. He then hopped off and began to tend to the horse.

“Hungry?” Gemmel called to me. He had been so good about that. Making sure I was fed. I remember trying to eat normal people food, but the transformation has made it undesirable to me. Meal worms and raw fish were much more preferable.

I nodded to him. After getting his horse taken care of he gave me some meal worms to enjoy.

“Knock yourself out,” Gemmel said.

“I’ll. Try. Not. To.” I responded. As I ate, Gemmel made a fire. As he sat in the fire light, he looked much older in it’s glow. I couldn’t help but feel a wave of gratitude sweep through me. Charity was difficult for me to accept. I had always been capable of caring for myself or working for what I needed. Somehow I would repay Gemmel.

“Gem.mel?”

“Yes?”

“Once- Er. If. I’m. Re.stored... Your. Kind.ness... How. Might. I. Re.pay. You?”

Gemmel looked at me appraisingly.

“Oh, don’t you be worrying about that,” he said.

“Why?”

“Well, I figure,” Gemmel began, picking at his teeth as though he had eaten. I don’t recall seeing him eat. Don’t know why that stood out to me... “As I look at it, you’re a pretty fine, upstanding person out there helping people who couldn’t help themselves,” that stung. Fine and upstanding? I could feel my skin crawl knowing I was untrusting of him at first to disclose my true name. I dropped my head to which Gemmel continued.

“No fault of your own getting into this situation with the poison and turning into a lizard,” Gemmel said, misinterpreting my posture, “Granted it’s not fair, but why is it everybody has to put a price on this stuff? Why can’t people do a nice thing. Sure I have a business to make money to provide for myself, but what is the cost to me for helping you? A potion a day is nothing to me.”

“Gem.mel,” I blurted as best I could. I don’t know why I felt so awful about not having disclosed my name with Gemmel, but I did. I needed to come clean. It wasn’t the most awful thing I had done, granted, but still. Why should Gemmel treat me so well when I couldn’t trust him with my name?

“Yes?”

“I. Want. To. A.pol.o.gize. For. Ly.ing. To. You.” Gemmel gave me a stern look. I looked away before continuing, “My. Real. Name-”

“Is Araja. I know,” Gemmel’s warm voice answered. I looked back at him.  He had a smile on his face.

“How’d. You. Know?” I half asked. I figured I was being a bit obvious when asking about Araja, but there was a part of me mildly curious.

“When you’re as old as I am, one of the things you get mighty good at is seeing the truth. Like how I knew you weren’t some ordinary lizard, Araja.”

“So. Why. Did.n’t. You. Call. Me. Out. On. It?”

“Everyone has their reasons to keep secrets. You don’t know everything about me, who I am, what I am, my dealings with Man and the Elves. Why should I pry into your personal business if I wasn’t going to be forthcoming with mine?” Gemmel explained. It was comforting to know he held no malice toward me considering how distrusting i was at first. It was especially comforting to know he wasn’t out to get me.

“Well, it’s late. There’s an owlbear stalking us over there. I’m gonna go take care of it. You best get your rest,” Gemmel told me. I nodded and Gemmel disappeared into the night. The warmth of the fire was very pleasant as I waited.

Soon Gemmel returned unscathed. Next Entry

Day 169: And I Thought I Was Old

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Cux 36th, 4288: 169 Days in the Mortal Realm

Today was the day we headed to Plumage in the Elven Kingdom. I watched Gemmel load his wagon. He moved slowly. I wish I could have been of assistance to him. He looked tired from all the years he’s lived and traveled. I was curious as to what stories he could tell. He obviously was older than me... oh wait, he definitely looked older than me. I probably shouldn’t tell him I’m over 1400 years old. Still I wondered how old he was. As he packed I ventured to ask.

“Ge.mmel? How. Old. Are. You?” The old man snickered at me.

“How old do you think I am?” I felt awkward suddenly. I didn’t want to offend him by basing his age off of his appearance. Honestly, he could be 120 years old from the way he sounded and looked, so I aimed low to hopefully complement him.

“80?”

“80? Oh that’s cute. To be 80 again...” Gemmel chuckled then trailed off.

“100?”

“That’s like saying are you 2 or are you 3.”

Hmm, he must be way older than I thought...

“200?”

“I remember being 200. That was a good year.”

“500.”

“I think it was that century when I got kicked out of the land of Men.”

“1000.”

“Oh, steady on there. But yes I remember being 1000 like it was yesterday,” Gemmel said thoughtfully.

“Per.haps. You’re. Old.er. Than. Me,” I said, hinting that there was more to me.

“To be honest, I’ve stopped counting,” Gemmel mentioned.

So if he’s that old, I thought to myself, surely he knew of France. Quite possibly he knew of Araja...

“But. You’ve. Never. Heard. Of. France?”

“I haven’t dealt with the lands of Man since I was 500 years old. That was awhile ago. Kingdoms come, kingdoms go. Gemmel is here to stay,” he paused for a moment, seeming bothered by his comment, “I don’t know why I said that, but don’t go around telling people how old I am. That seems to weird them out.”

“I can relate,” I let slip, but Gemmel didn’t seem to catch it.

“I don’t lie to people about what I am or who I am... but once they find out, as I’m sure you’ve noticed with the Gnomes, there’s something on the edge that seems to rub them the wrong way. Grant it they let me stay and appreciate my craft, but yeah... that’s also why the Elves let me come in for the Carnival. They’re not as trusting, but they let me come just for that time.

“By the way,” Gemmel suddenly added, “I don’t know how you would want to travel. Do you want to stay hidden? I figured you could travel as my pet. I don’t think it wise for you to be wandering around. People may not realize what you are and end up taking you,” Gemmel explained.

“Might. Be. Best. To. Pre.tend. To. Be. Your. Pet,” I answered.

“Well, I don’t like doing this to you, but would you prefer a cage or a leash? I doubt either would be much fun.”

“A. Leash. Will. Do,” I said, “Don’t. Pull. Too. Hard.”

“Nope, nope. I don’t plan on hanging onto it. Gonna use some moonsilk. Not common these days, but I got some behind the counter,” Gemmel went back inside and when he returned there was a thin, silvery string that barely looked able to go around my neck, in his hand. He connected the two ends together and pulled part of it out to make a leash. He then slipped the loop around my head and tied the end of the leash to the wagon.

“Anyone who sees this will know you’re mine.”

Gemmel then finished loading the wagon and away we went. Next Entry

Day 166: Why Do I Care?

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Cux 32nd,4288: 166 Days in the Mortal Realm

The shop's been a nice change of pace. It’s relatively quiet even with the handful of Gnomes come in. It’s curious watching them. There’s something in their eyes as they did business with Gemmel. Something about him that I can’t describe for words fail me. They aren’t afraid of him per se, but they seem wary in his presence. Often I’ve wondered these past few days if there was something I was missing. I observed Gemmel and never had he made me question my decision to stay with him. There wasn’t anything about him to suggest he wasn’t honest of character, especially in his interactions with me.

Gemmel continues to share of his potions in the hope that I won’t transform further or as rapidly. He even lets me stay in the shop at night. Though he said I needn’t keep an eye on his items, I’ve done my fair share of watching the shoppers and taking note of his inventory these past two days. Something that gives me a sense of recompencense.

Oh how I missed my gear. How vulnerable I was without it. Yet I had to forget about those things too. Remembering them infuriated me. Not knowing who had caused this new life for me was maddening. Do I even go about finding my things considering I couldn’t recall who took them?

‘Oh hai,’ runs through my head constantly. Who ever that guy was, I loathe him. Why did he leave me to suffer and die a lizard? If he knew me and wanted me dead, why not have killed me right then? Right now death seems so preferable. No more suffering, no more caring.

Ah, that must be it; I care too much. Next Entry

Day 163: Who'd Thought a New Name Would be so Tough?

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Cux 29th,4288: 163 Days in the Mortal Realm

I’ve lost so much time! More than a month has gone by! I can’t believe it! Yet even more curious, how slowly my transformation has been.

I learned that bit of informations shortly after waking up this morning. First thing I noticed was I felt considerably better than having spent the night in the elements. I stretched and poked my head out from under the building I had slept. I figured it would be smart of me to explore a bit; continue to listen in on folk and their dealings. Perhaps I would find a child or some other folk that I would feel daring enough to try and talk with. With that thought I did slink back in and casted detect magic once more. It was quite difficult. Positioning my hands right and forming the words were tricky, but manageable. I still had a faint aura about me which made me wonder if the transformation was the cause of it. Something magical had to be happening.

Quietly I slinked out from under the building. I was near the entrance of Golden Spike. As I looked about, only seeing a few folk milling about the early morning, I figured I’d sneak along the buildings and find another hiding spot to listen at. I barely took a few steps when I felt a pair of hands wrap around me.

“Why hello there,” an old voice called out to me. I went rigid as I felt the man pick me up. “Suppose I ought to introduce myself to ya. The name is Gemmel little one. Now, I can tell you aren’t really a lizard,” the old man whispered, “How is it you ended up like this?”

At the moment I was certain he could be another person out for me. However as I looked him in the eyes, he seemed genuine and curious about my situation.

“That obvious?” I said, my voice sounding foreign and raspy. Gemmel chuckled.

“Not many things get by me these days.”

“Could we go somewhere private then?”

“Private?” Gemmel repeated.

“Don’t want to discuss me in the open,” I explained. Gemmel’s eyes narrowed on me before they brightened followed by a nod of his head. The building behind us had a sign on it saying ‘Magical Curiosity Shoppe.’ The very building Gemmel walked into. He flipped the open sign on the door to closed and locked the door behind us. He placed me on the counter where sales would be made. The shop was quaint. I could see the aura’s of magical items in there, nothing strong, but it would appear he specialized in potions. or, at least, favored selling the magical drink.

The building felt secure enough since I hadn’t detected the magical presences I was sleeping under until entering. Here was hoping whatever I disclosed wouldn’t end up being another pitfall for myself... literally.

“So, how did you become a lizard?” Gemmel asked once more. Before I could answer he pressed on, “Were you experimenting or something? I know I’ve turned myself into a cactus once before. That had me in a sticky situation,” Gemmel chuckled a little to himself.

“How did you dispel it?” I asked.

“What? Dispel? Oh that kind of magic wears off. In fact, how long ago did this happen?” Gemmel asked.

“What’s the date?”

“Cux 29th, 4288,” Gemmel replied. Like I had stated at the beginning, I was floored by the amount of time I had lost. I don’t reckon Gemmel noticed my shock, but my head realed a little. I worried about what Raæin must think but quickly pushed that aside. He’s dead for all I know or better off.

“Then this has been happening since Buq 19th,” I said bewildered.

“I’m sorry, something about 19? Like 19 days? The 19th?” Gemmel asked.

“Trans.for.ma.tion. Has. Been. Hap.pen.ning. Since. Buq. 19th-”

“Oh! Oh...” Gemmel’s face became suddenly passive, “My that’s quite serious. Now how did this happen?” he inquired.

“Was poisoned while out looking for a creature that could cure people. Then I woke up in a cave and I assume some guy put me there,” I explained. When I looked at Gemmel I forgot already that he was having a hard time understanding me.

“So you were poisoned while finding a cure? Or you were finding a cure for a poison?”

“I. Was. Poisoned-”

“Either way, if it’s a poison... then this is very serious,” Gemmel said gravely. Actually, now that I think about it, I don’t know why I was so set on believing I had been poisoned. I assume the bite wound I saw on my leg was from the creature i was searching for, but the fact is I don’t remember being bitten. I only saw the puncture wounds.

Gemmel turned around and pulled out a potion, “I reckon you ought to have some of this... you know I haven’t even gotten your name. Can’t even tell if you’re a boy or a girl. Not even a race, though I suppose if you were a dwarf you’d be a bearded lizard,” Gemmel chuckled to himself once more. I couldn’t help but smile myself. This kind of chatting was reminiscent of Bor. That made my heart ache as I felt myself already enjoying Gemmel. I recognized the feeling. I knew it as me wanting to cling to Gemmel, to fill that hole in me. Someone whom I could rely on to take away my pain.

I forced myself to not reflect on the past or make that connection between Bor and Gemmel. The man may be kind, but I shouldn’t over extend my stay either. I just met the guy too! And that metaphorical hole in me can’t heal if I keep placing things in it.

With those quick thoughts and emotions, I debated about whether to tell him my true name. Araja is dangerous among those who know me. I weighed the options; if I told Gemmel, I’d either be put on a pedestal or wanted dead. I opted to use my mother’s name.

“Ma.la.ney,” I lied. Gemmel eyed me for a moment as he processed what I said.

“Malagay?”

“Mal. Lan. Ney.”

“Maganays. Mayonnaise!” Gemmel said triumphantly, thinking he got it right, “That is a bizarre name I must say.” I shook my head, “No?” Quickly I said a different name I felt would come out easier.

“Sara.”

“Serrin?” I gave up. I nodded. At least Serrin sounded somewhat pretty even though it was a bit masculine. Whatever was in his hand had been long forgotten as he rested his hand on the countertop I was on, the potion bottle still corked and in hand.

“So where are you from Serrin?”

This would definitely be a test if he might have known my true name. France, having been renamed the Wetland Jungles for many generations of folk, Heinul having disguised the land to prevent the rest of the world from remember his works, wouldn’t be known by folk of the other continents.

“France.”

Gemmel thought for a moment.

“Is that over in the Elven Kingdom?”

I nodded. I wasn’t about to try and explain where France really was. It was already hard enough communicating. At that moment Gemmel remembered the potion in hand. He placed a plate down in front of me and poured half the potion out.

“This will hopefully slow the poison down. Don’t want to transform any further else you might start to forget who you are. But that’s about all I can do for you. Oh and no charge.” That was kind of Gemmel to not charge me. I lapped the potion slowly. It was difficult not having a tongue that could scoop the potion up nor lips that could suck it up either. After working at it for 10 or so minutes, I I managed to get the potion down.

“Gemmel,” I began, “Thank. You. By. Chance. Do. You. Know. Of. A. Per.son. Who. Could. Cure. Me?” Gemmel thought for a moment.

“Actually, I think there are some folk in the Elven Kingdom that might be able to fix this. I’ll be headed there next week to go to Carnival. You’re welcome to travel with me,” Gemmel said.

“I. Would. Like. That. Ver.ry. Much,” I told him.

Gemmel then spent some time with me chatting about Carnival and how the store he had set up in Golden Spike wasn’t where he made his fortune. It was the deep pockets of the folk in the Elven Kingdom that put out for his merchandise during Carnival that really helped set him up. Though he disapproved of those who bought things that made them more charismatic. Not that it’s a bad thing, but to use it to lie, eventually the lies would catch up. Made me wonder what corrupt ruling was taking place there if that was something on his mind.

He then went on about how the Man Kingdom hadn’t been trading or anything with the Elves and Gnomes for some months. However he had heard through the grapevine about how monsters were up there leveling towns. Large towns, utterly destroyed. I couldn’t help but cringe inside. He kept pestering me if I had heard anything from the Elves or if we had continued to try and send ships up there. I finally admitted I had started in the Kingdom of Man only 4 and a half months ago. He was very much intrigued and wanted to know if I had seen the monsters. I mentioned the werewolves which only flabbergasted him further.

“Werewolves?” he questioned, “Surely you’re joking. Those creatures are easy to take care of. Just throw holy water and silver at them and they’re dead,” Gemmel rambled on. I didn’t talk any further about the Man Kingdom. I didn’t want to admit to being the cause of some of that destruction.

I did however venture to see if he had heard anything about Lupik. At first he thought I was talking about a soup, but quickly he figured out I meant the dukedom in the Man Kingdom. He hadn’t heard anything particular other than it was large. Here’s hoping it’s not one of the leveled cities considering the Silver and Bronze dragons that had taken off to ‘take care’ of Lupik for corrupting their young.

Seeing I would be with Gemmel longer than I thought I would be, I offered to keep an eye out in the shop for those who might try to steal. Gemmel laughed at the notion.

“Don’t you be worrying about that, Miss,” Gemmel chuckled, “I have my way of preventing that. Perhaps you’ll see what happens while you’re here. Not that I think it will. Folk around here are generally honest,” he then trailed off about some other topic that didn’t interest me. I laid down on the counter to rest my head. It was going to be a long week, but I suppose I could take comfort in knowing I had a warm place to rest, pleasant company, and potential help to restore my body. I know one thing; I will repay Gemmel for his kindness someday. In the mean time, may no misfortune come to Gemmel for helping me. Next Entry

Walking on all Fours

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I’m A Lizard Harry.

This morning when I woke up, I noticed the manacles were gone. I looked at my scaly hands, noting how more reptilian they were while confused by the lack of confinement.

I maneuvered myself and was compelled to stay on all fours. I turned my head to look at myself and noticed I was very much a lizard! So how might I be writing this you wonder? Thank heavens for this extraordinary journal. Not only can I store it in its own personal dimension, I can will the pen to write my thoughts.

Anyways, I dug my sharp claws into the skin of the tree and climbed down head first. It was barely manageable with my stiff muscles. It also felt weird mixed with excitement and hopeless. Why was I a lizard!? Surely it couldn't be real... but alas it was.

I snuck into the town I spotted last night. I did my best listening in on conversations. The most I gathered was I've traveled to the Gnomish Kingdom and the town I found is called Golden Spike. I also caught word that they’re upset that the trade with the Man Kingdom had halted, though they don’t blame them considering what’s been going on there.

A shudder ran through me at the mention of the Man Kingdom. That was the continent I first landed on all those months ago... Considering all that we experienced there, it didn’t surprise me to hear that things were still going rough.

I’m currently nestled under a building near the entrance. It is much warmer here. Hopefully this will make waking up in the morning significantly better. Next Entry

A Monster

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Becoming Something Else

I'm safe in a tree tonight. A few more days have passed. And in that time came to a well traveled road.  I saw a caravan of Gnomes. They caught sight of me and made it clear I wasn’t welcomed. It was here that I realized my hands were scaly and claws were forming in place of nails. They asked to me not follow them, I assuming they suspected me to be a criminal or ruffians of sorts with the manacles on. So I went the other direction hoping that that would lead to another town.

Granted that would be a problem for me now. How would I get in with manacles and looking serpent like with scaly, bird like feet and hope to be well received? My teeth were pointed and my tongue forked. I suppose I would have to approach as humbly as one can. But even that, I suspect, will still result in my imprisonment. I suppose I will have to learn to deal with this new lot in life if I live long enough.

That night, after the run in with the Gnomes, I was awaken by a creature. I had fallen asleep near some trees so it wasn’t too surprising that some beast found me. The growlling echoed through the trees. I could make out a large creature in the dark. Thinking I might have authority over it, and my mood still quite sour, I told it to leave me alone. Naturally it attacked. I barely managed to cast a tripping spell and turn myself invisible. Yet it still got me with its claws a few times. I sprinted through the woods with all my might, eager to avoid the beast killing me and possibly eating me.

The sound of the creature grew faint. I then took notice of a nook in a tree. I managed to climb the short distance and crawl into the crevice to sleep the rest of the night.

The next day I woke up feeling tired and stiff. Didn’t help that the usual nightmares plagued my sleep too. It’s still the same ‘killing Meryth’ and helplessness with the Gods, now mingled with my reptilian shape emphasizing I’m the evil one. I should be thankful the nightmares haven't been as frequent lately. The tiredness and soreness I figured was due to the fight in the night. I was hit pretty hard and I could see the scratches across my shoulders all scabbed over. I forced myself to get up and go, hoping movement would work the soreness out. Sure enough, as the day progressed I felt considerably better.

A town came into view as night began to set in. I chose to sleep in a tree to avoid any awkwardness of my appearance with the town and with it becoming dark. I managed to climb a ways up a tree despite my manacled hands. The claws were quite useful to that aspect.

Now all I can do was hope- huh... such a vile word... ‘hope’ that the morning goes smoothly enough in town.

A sketch of what I assume Araja looks like as her transformation progresses.

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Day...? Forget it! I'm Lost and Angry!

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Thoughts While Lost

I don't even know what day it is. I assume it’s the 21st of Buq, but I can’t be certain. It’s hard to know much of anything when you’re lost! I’ve been taken from Raæin and stripped of everything I once had. WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS!? When I left with Raæin it was meant to help me heal! I was suppose to find peace! But no! Someone had to rob me of any hope I once had. I don't even have my wings! Helpless doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel. I just want to give up, to become nothing... but death scares me more.

What will to happen to my body? Where am I to go? I had wondered on many occasions. Then again, why did that bother me? I have nothing. NOTHING! Nothing worth fighting for. My parents are dead, Meryth is dead, Raæin's gone and who's to say we'll miraculously be reunited again? Rekka's dead. I have no way of communicating with Cortanna and Isaac. If I’m afraid of becoming nothing upon dying, I needn’t fear for I’m living it!

It would seem every time an ounce of hope wells up in me, it’s crushed. It’s evident Heinul’s sending out his forces against me. To put out whatever light that still exists in me. I almost want to join him to stop this suffering, this helplessness, but that isn’t a possibility. I could never find joy in making people fear me.

Telj! I hate who I am! I hate what I’ve done! I hate how I feel unconditionally responsible for the welfare of this world when I’m most certain there’s nothing I can do about it! I don’t want to feel anymore! I don’t want to hope anymore. I don’t want to care!

✻   ✻   ✻   ✻   ✻

Now that I’ve ranted, I suppose I ought to explain what has happened the past few days. I had finished that grueling day in Corbin two days prior. With all the help I provided the people in feeding and clothing them, I was tired though I felt fulfilled. Caring for those ill folk is so desirable right now.

I somewhat regret feeling rather annoyed with Raæin when the following day he asked if I would go search for a creature that had the potential to cure the illness. I didn’t want to go off by myself, especially when Raæin mentioned that the creature was poisonous, but there were so many sick folk that it was a wonder why more hadn’t died during the first night there. Raæin could only heal so much each day, so it made sense that finding a creature whose saliva could cure the disease, would radically improve the well being of the town. So I went with a vague description of the creature and vials to collect the saliva if I found it.

Once I realized it was unusually quiet, was probably when it was too late. The silence startled me so that I ran. I then stopped to catch my breath. Feeling dazed from the rush of adrenaline, I realized I hadn’t paid attention to which direction I had ran.  flew to the sky to see where the town was. Corban had vanished from view. By the time I got back to the ground the world was spinning. I found a bite wound on my leg. I tried calling for Raæin, but no response. I remember thinking ‘great, I’m to die alone while off trying to save people.’ I knew better than to have gone off without Raæin. I should have had him come.

Then a pair of feet stood before me. ‘Help’’ was all I could utter, hoping whoever it was would help. A voice answered. It sounded unusual. Perhaps there was an accent. The person said, “Oh hai. I tek yoo nawoo okey? Yah, come hee-ah Arah-yah.”

Next thing I knew I was waking up in a dark cave. The ground feels slimy, some mossy film all over it. I was, and still am, dressed in a robe. A feeling of vulnerability and violation overcame me. Why was I only in a robe!? Where were my things!? I pondered wrapping my arms around myself. I could see an opening at the top of the cave, but I knew I was too fatigued to even try to fly up to it. Instead I casted a light and sent it around the cave to see how big the space I was in. I saw to the east the cave began to descend down. It was the only path.

Before leaving the area I was in, I sensed for auras. No magic anywhere except upon myself. I assumed it was the lingering light spell I had casted.

I proceeded to I walk down the slippery path. As I walked in the dark, I could hear skittering. At one point when I casted my light I saw a pair of eyes. They disappeared as soon as I blinked, but I knew something was there. The skittering continued and got closer to which I could hear fast breathing. I could also hear the sound of rushing water ahead. Hopefully that meant a way out.

The path continued to slope down, getting steeper and steeper to the point where I slipped. I caught myself and thankfully wasn’t hurt. I chose to sit as I pondered what I should do about finding a way out. I could hear the creature skittering about. His breath got louder as he drew closer. Suddenly he went silent but I knew he was near. I readied a tripping spell. It would be harmless, but it would hopefully give me a moment to cast something stronger if he turned out to be harmful.

The creature lunged at me. I felt his feet hit me to which the surprise knocked me off balance on the slippery slope. Head first I plunged down. I felt the creature on my back to which I rolled over hoping to knock it off. It is here that as I rolled I remembered my wings. They weren’t there! They hadn’t been there the whole time... I didn’t recall my back hurting... Still I was confused about how they had disappeared considering I didn’t  have my circlet.

I didn’t get to ponder much for suddenly the ground I and the creature were sliding down on disappeared. We fell for a few seconds before landing in water.

I casted my light one more time and felt fortunate that where I and the creature had landed wasn’t on one of the stalagmites rising out of the water. The creature was clinging to my back, his claws digging in uncomfortably. The water was flowing and I carefully swam to one of the stalagmites to get a better look around the cave.  There was a set of stairs along the cave wall. I figured I’d best swim toward it. Unfortunately the current was too strong and the last thing I remember was hitting something hard and blacking out.

When I opened my eyes, I could feel the scaly creature licking my face. The ground I was on was flat. My stomach then grumbled something fierce. My hunger was almost maddening. I needed to eat, but what was there to eat? The only company I had was the creature and I wasn’t about to try and kill it since it had been friendly thus far. Instead, I decided I’d try and ask the creature if he could help me find my way out and bring me any fish or other food. I wasn’t anticipating the creature to respond. In fact I was sure I was going completely mental at the moment and giving in to thinking such a creature would understand my words. However the creature surprised me. It nudged me along the smooth stone surface.

I was lead to a crawl space, to which I crawled through and came to another spacious part of the cave. I walked a few more passes before the creature suddenly stopped nudging me and skittered off.

A short time later, I was surrounded by many of these scaly creatures. I could hear their claws scratching against the stone as they encircled me. Then they went silent. After a minute of waiting, I got the feeling they were waiting on me. I mentioned food and a chorus of pants were heard. For a moment I thought they didn’t understand me. Then I searched around blindly and felt fish, lots of them, in front of me. I slowly ate them. As much as I wanted to gorge my appetite, I knew if I ate too fast, I could very well poison myself or become very sick if the fish happened to be poisonous or rancid.

The fish tasted fresh and nothing happened that would make me think it was contaminated. I then curled up on the dry smooth surface and fell asleep with the many scaly creatures huddled around me.

When I woke, I asked the creatures if they knew a way out. They lead me along to an open cavern that was dimly lit with glowing fungi. There was more water. The two way outs, that I could see, was through one of many outlets along the cavern wall or I could try and climb to the hole at the top. The hole had to be a good 100 yards up if not more. I figured I would be better off trying one of the many tunnels.

With a quick goodbye to the creatures, that I could make out looking like large lizards in the dim light, I then jumped into the water and continued on. Part of me suspected I was swimming to my death, but how I saw it was I either lived in the darkness forever and end up dying or I made an attempt to explore a way out. Either way death was the likely outcome, but this was worth a try.

Many tunnels later, with multiple near drowning moments (and a few dead bodies along the way...) I finally came to a pool of water that was pleasantly warm.  I worried if I went any further down I would be cooked alive. It was here that I figured I would finally wait out my death.

As I waded in the water, looking around for a ledge to rest on, I noticed an opening close enough that the thought of climbing out seemed reasonable. It was a grueling task. Many times I slipped, but fortunately I was able to hang on. It might have taken me a few hours to climb out, but suffice to say I was successful in pulling my tired body up and out of the cavern.

I sat for a moment to catch my breath. I could see it was a well that I had climbed out of. The other thing that I noticed was the trees and plants were very much not from France. The town I was in was clearly abandoned too.

Once my breath was steady and I felt mildly rested, I focused on the magical auras in the area. I could sense 4 faint auras which lead me to 2 spoons, a stick, and some slippers. The slippers felt very good on my tired and worn feet. The spoon provided meager sustenance and the stick I figured I’d try out later. I then found a bed that wasn't too moth ridden and fell asleep.

In the middle of the night I woke to voices down stairs. I went invisible hoping I would go unnoticed if they came upstairs. As soon as I casted the spell, someone knew I was there. The folk came up and seeing they were intent on finding me I surrendered myself. They wondered where I came from. I explained I had climbed up out of the well. They seemed impressed.

They then asked who had put me there. I explained how I had gotten poisoned (for that was my assumption considering I had blacked out for a time) and how someone I didn't know, but surely knew me, had said hello in an accent. I did my best imitation of what I heard, explaining I could have very well been imagining it due to the poison. At the time I had explained this, manacles had been placed on my arms and an Orc was summoned into the room and hoisted me up onto his shoulders. They then proceeded to take me away outside.

"Well, who are you?" The man asked as we went out the front door.

"My name's Araja," I confessed. The Orc held me out in front of him.

“The Araja?" the man pestered. The Orc continued to appraise me.

"Araja Eloirakn. Fall the prophesied," I listed.

"Where are your wings?" the Orc asked.

"Beats me. I woke up and they were gone," I explained. I was intrigued that they even knew me considering I wasn’t in France. It was then that I noted to myself my name ought to be used sparingly.

The Orc set me down.

"And you heard an accented voice of the person who put you down there?" the man jumped back in.

"I'm pretty sure I did,"  I said. The man pulled out a crystal ball. It became evident that he was a wizard. He began to talk to someone, whether it was through the crystal ball or to the other men standing around, in a language I didn't know. Soon it was apparent that the Orc wasn't liking what was happening. As the voices began to become hostile and loud, I backed away to a tree. I didn't want to run, I honestly didn't care that I was captured. Wasn't like I had much hope for anything, so why not just go with the flow and be compliant. However I didn't want to be in the crossfire if things got ugly.

Sure enough the Orc got to the point that he withdrew his great ax and hit the wizard with it. Seeing the start of a bloodbath begin, self preservation kicked in and I fled. I didn't want to watch those folk die and my complaint resolve quickly switch to me not wanting to die in that situation.

I managed to get my hands out in front of me and found a hollow tree trunk to hide in. And that is where I am now. Listening. Waiting. I haven't heard anyone and I hope I'll survive the night.

I tell you, being alone has never settled with me. Not like I have much of a choice now. I can’t help but long for Raæin, for someone I could called family. Someone I loved. Alas, I can hope all I want, but it wasn’t about to bring those I loved back.

My optimism is gone and so I write this for I mean it. I will never I love again. I can't afford to keep making attachments only for them to be taken from me. I can't stand it!  It's so unbearable this loss. A huge hole has been ripped open in my chest and it’s consuming me!

I know if I find Raæin again, I won't hurt any more... but that's just it. I need to let him go. I need to be able to find happiness on my own. One day Raæin will die too. I might as well believe him dead. As long as I don't let him back in, I should be able to overcome this pain of loss.

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