Thoughts While Lost
I don't even know what day it is. I assume it’s the 21st of Buq, but I can’t be certain. It’s hard to know much of anything when you’re lost! I’ve been taken from Raæin and stripped of everything I once had. WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS!? When I left with Raæin it was meant to help me heal! I was suppose to find peace! But no! Someone had to rob me of any hope I once had. I don't even have my wings! Helpless doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel. I just want to give up, to become nothing... but death scares me more.
What will to happen to my body? Where am I to go? I had wondered on many occasions. Then again, why did that bother me? I have nothing. NOTHING! Nothing worth fighting for. My parents are dead, Meryth is dead, Raæin's gone and who's to say we'll miraculously be reunited again? Rekka's dead. I have no way of communicating with Cortanna and Isaac. If I’m afraid of becoming nothing upon dying, I needn’t fear for I’m living it!
It would seem every time an ounce of hope wells up in me, it’s crushed. It’s evident Heinul’s sending out his forces against me. To put out whatever light that still exists in me. I almost want to join him to stop this suffering, this helplessness, but that isn’t a possibility. I could never find joy in making people fear me.
Telj! I hate who I am! I hate what I’ve done! I hate how I feel unconditionally responsible for the welfare of this world when I’m most certain there’s nothing I can do about it! I don’t want to feel anymore! I don’t want to hope anymore. I don’t want to care!
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Now that I’ve ranted, I suppose I ought to explain what has happened the past few days. I had finished that grueling day in Corbin two days prior. With all the help I provided the people in feeding and clothing them, I was tired though I felt fulfilled. Caring for those ill folk is so desirable right now.
I somewhat regret feeling rather annoyed with Raæin when the following day he asked if I would go search for a creature that had the potential to cure the illness. I didn’t want to go off by myself, especially when Raæin mentioned that the creature was poisonous, but there were so many sick folk that it was a wonder why more hadn’t died during the first night there. Raæin could only heal so much each day, so it made sense that finding a creature whose saliva could cure the disease, would radically improve the well being of the town. So I went with a vague description of the creature and vials to collect the saliva if I found it.
Once I realized it was unusually quiet, was probably when it was too late. The silence startled me so that I ran. I then stopped to catch my breath. Feeling dazed from the rush of adrenaline, I realized I hadn’t paid attention to which direction I had ran. flew to the sky to see where the town was. Corban had vanished from view. By the time I got back to the ground the world was spinning. I found a bite wound on my leg. I tried calling for Raæin, but no response. I remember thinking ‘great, I’m to die alone while off trying to save people.’ I knew better than to have gone off without Raæin. I should have had him come.
Then a pair of feet stood before me. ‘Help’’ was all I could utter, hoping whoever it was would help. A voice answered. It sounded unusual. Perhaps there was an accent. The person said, “Oh hai. I tek yoo nawoo okey? Yah, come hee-ah Arah-yah.”
Next thing I knew I was waking up in a dark cave. The ground feels slimy, some mossy film all over it. I was, and still am, dressed in a robe. A feeling of vulnerability and violation overcame me. Why was I only in a robe!? Where were my things!? I pondered wrapping my arms around myself. I could see an opening at the top of the cave, but I knew I was too fatigued to even try to fly up to it. Instead I casted a light and sent it around the cave to see how big the space I was in. I saw to the east the cave began to descend down. It was the only path.
Before leaving the area I was in, I sensed for auras. No magic anywhere except upon myself. I assumed it was the lingering light spell I had casted.
I proceeded to I walk down the slippery path. As I walked in the dark, I could hear skittering. At one point when I casted my light I saw a pair of eyes. They disappeared as soon as I blinked, but I knew something was there. The skittering continued and got closer to which I could hear fast breathing. I could also hear the sound of rushing water ahead. Hopefully that meant a way out.
The path continued to slope down, getting steeper and steeper to the point where I slipped. I caught myself and thankfully wasn’t hurt. I chose to sit as I pondered what I should do about finding a way out. I could hear the creature skittering about. His breath got louder as he drew closer. Suddenly he went silent but I knew he was near. I readied a tripping spell. It would be harmless, but it would hopefully give me a moment to cast something stronger if he turned out to be harmful.
The creature lunged at me. I felt his feet hit me to which the surprise knocked me off balance on the slippery slope. Head first I plunged down. I felt the creature on my back to which I rolled over hoping to knock it off. It is here that as I rolled I remembered my wings. They weren’t there! They hadn’t been there the whole time... I didn’t recall my back hurting... Still I was confused about how they had disappeared considering I didn’t have my circlet.
I didn’t get to ponder much for suddenly the ground I and the creature were sliding down on disappeared. We fell for a few seconds before landing in water.
I casted my light one more time and felt fortunate that where I and the creature had landed wasn’t on one of the stalagmites rising out of the water. The creature was clinging to my back, his claws digging in uncomfortably. The water was flowing and I carefully swam to one of the stalagmites to get a better look around the cave. There was a set of stairs along the cave wall. I figured I’d best swim toward it. Unfortunately the current was too strong and the last thing I remember was hitting something hard and blacking out.
When I opened my eyes, I could feel the scaly creature licking my face. The ground I was on was flat. My stomach then grumbled something fierce. My hunger was almost maddening. I needed to eat, but what was there to eat? The only company I had was the creature and I wasn’t about to try and kill it since it had been friendly thus far. Instead, I decided I’d try and ask the creature if he could help me find my way out and bring me any fish or other food. I wasn’t anticipating the creature to respond. In fact I was sure I was going completely mental at the moment and giving in to thinking such a creature would understand my words. However the creature surprised me. It nudged me along the smooth stone surface.
I was lead to a crawl space, to which I crawled through and came to another spacious part of the cave. I walked a few more passes before the creature suddenly stopped nudging me and skittered off.
A short time later, I was surrounded by many of these scaly creatures. I could hear their claws scratching against the stone as they encircled me. Then they went silent. After a minute of waiting, I got the feeling they were waiting on me. I mentioned food and a chorus of pants were heard. For a moment I thought they didn’t understand me. Then I searched around blindly and felt fish, lots of them, in front of me. I slowly ate them. As much as I wanted to gorge my appetite, I knew if I ate too fast, I could very well poison myself or become very sick if the fish happened to be poisonous or rancid.
The fish tasted fresh and nothing happened that would make me think it was contaminated. I then curled up on the dry smooth surface and fell asleep with the many scaly creatures huddled around me.
When I woke, I asked the creatures if they knew a way out. They lead me along to an open cavern that was dimly lit with glowing fungi. There was more water. The two way outs, that I could see, was through one of many outlets along the cavern wall or I could try and climb to the hole at the top. The hole had to be a good 100 yards up if not more. I figured I would be better off trying one of the many tunnels.
With a quick goodbye to the creatures, that I could make out looking like large lizards in the dim light, I then jumped into the water and continued on. Part of me suspected I was swimming to my death, but how I saw it was I either lived in the darkness forever and end up dying or I made an attempt to explore a way out. Either way death was the likely outcome, but this was worth a try.
Many tunnels later, with multiple near drowning moments (and a few dead bodies along the way...) I finally came to a pool of water that was pleasantly warm. I worried if I went any further down I would be cooked alive. It was here that I figured I would finally wait out my death.
As I waded in the water, looking around for a ledge to rest on, I noticed an opening close enough that the thought of climbing out seemed reasonable. It was a grueling task. Many times I slipped, but fortunately I was able to hang on. It might have taken me a few hours to climb out, but suffice to say I was successful in pulling my tired body up and out of the cavern.
I sat for a moment to catch my breath. I could see it was a well that I had climbed out of. The other thing that I noticed was the trees and plants were very much not from France. The town I was in was clearly abandoned too.
Once my breath was steady and I felt mildly rested, I focused on the magical auras in the area. I could sense 4 faint auras which lead me to 2 spoons, a stick, and some slippers. The slippers felt very good on my tired and worn feet. The spoon provided meager sustenance and the stick I figured I’d try out later. I then found a bed that wasn't too moth ridden and fell asleep.
In the middle of the night I woke to voices down stairs. I went invisible hoping I would go unnoticed if they came upstairs. As soon as I casted the spell, someone knew I was there. The folk came up and seeing they were intent on finding me I surrendered myself. They wondered where I came from. I explained I had climbed up out of the well. They seemed impressed.
They then asked who had put me there. I explained how I had gotten poisoned (for that was my assumption considering I had blacked out for a time) and how someone I didn't know, but surely knew me, had said hello in an accent. I did my best imitation of what I heard, explaining I could have very well been imagining it due to the poison. At the time I had explained this, manacles had been placed on my arms and an Orc was summoned into the room and hoisted me up onto his shoulders. They then proceeded to take me away outside.
"Well, who are you?" The man asked as we went out the front door.
"My name's Araja," I confessed. The Orc held me out in front of him.
“The Araja?" the man pestered. The Orc continued to appraise me.
"Araja Eloirakn. Fall the prophesied," I listed.
"Where are your wings?" the Orc asked.
"Beats me. I woke up and they were gone," I explained. I was intrigued that they even knew me considering I wasn’t in France. It was then that I noted to myself my name ought to be used sparingly.
The Orc set me down.
"And you heard an accented voice of the person who put you down there?" the man jumped back in.
"I'm pretty sure I did," I said. The man pulled out a crystal ball. It became evident that he was a wizard. He began to talk to someone, whether it was through the crystal ball or to the other men standing around, in a language I didn't know. Soon it was apparent that the Orc wasn't liking what was happening. As the voices began to become hostile and loud, I backed away to a tree. I didn't want to run, I honestly didn't care that I was captured. Wasn't like I had much hope for anything, so why not just go with the flow and be compliant. However I didn't want to be in the crossfire if things got ugly.
Sure enough the Orc got to the point that he withdrew his great ax and hit the wizard with it. Seeing the start of a bloodbath begin, self preservation kicked in and I fled. I didn't want to watch those folk die and my complaint resolve quickly switch to me not wanting to die in that situation.
I managed to get my hands out in front of me and found a hollow tree trunk to hide in. And that is where I am now. Listening. Waiting. I haven't heard anyone and I hope I'll survive the night.
I tell you, being alone has never settled with me. Not like I have much of a choice now. I can’t help but long for Raæin, for someone I could called family. Someone I loved. Alas, I can hope all I want, but it wasn’t about to bring those I loved back.
My optimism is gone and so I write this for I mean it. I will never I love again. I can't afford to keep making attachments only for them to be taken from me. I can't stand it! It's so unbearable this loss. A huge hole has been ripped open in my chest and it’s consuming me!
I know if I find Raæin again, I won't hurt any more... but that's just it. I need to let him go. I need to be able to find happiness on my own. One day Raæin will die too. I might as well believe him dead. As long as I don't let him back in, I should be able to overcome this pain of loss.
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