Baer 35h, 4288: 96 Days in the Mortal Realm
I suppose I’ll note that it was my birthday today. No one’s said anything for I haven’t told any of them. Goodness, I sound moppy. Then again, I suppose I have every right, but that’s a mite bit self deprecating.
You see, my nights for the past few weeks have been filled with nightmares. It’s frustrating for I’m trying to push past the memories of that night, but nearly every time I fall asleep I’m troubled as I watch Them win or see myself killing my 12 year old sister over and over while They laugh, and somehow in the midst of it I find out I’m the evil one...
I hate these nightmares! I hate Them! ...I even hate myself. I just can’t let go of this guilt that I made the wrong choice by killing Meryth... I suppose I could ramble on, but I can’t think of any way to better convey this guilt and grief that still lingers within me.
Raæin has been kind in not persisting about what’s bothering me and his company has been greatly appreciated... I can’t recall why I hate being alone so much. The most I think I can remember was when I first sang Meryth’s lullaby to her, the words I used were a mixture of things I wanted to say to comfort her, and yet I knew they were words were meant for me. Perhaps there’s something I can’t remember from my past that has stemmed this fear within me.
And here I am again, doing that cycle of trying to figure out what is truth and what is delusion... Why can’t I remember?
I suppose I can start by listing off the facts I’m most certain of. My name is Araja Eloirakn. Today I’m 291 years old. A fallen Angelic. The party I’m with is Isaac the Hellborn, Rekka the Sangrail, Cortanna the half Elf, Gideon the Angelic of St. Cuthbert, Jessica the Bar Wench Bard, and Raæin my Unicorn from my former life. Meryth is truly dead. I’m on a quest to stop Heinul from ruining the rest of the God heads with this notion of becoming one. And there’s probably nothing any of us can do about it.
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